Last Friday I remembered some info I wanted to look up was in one of the tables in there and I popped open my copy. Total instant nostalgia washed over me. This is the book that really stated it all for me. I must have been about 13 or 14 at the time. I really don’t remember the exact age. Before this I had only ever encountered Spells, Charms, and Formula’s, a book on Hoodoo which belonged to a friend who lent it to me. Finding Modern Magick was like finding the holy grail to me. I had been looking for something like it all my (short) life, literally. I nearly peed myself when I found it.

I found it when visiting my fundy relatives with my family at a huge bookstore (these are relatives who would one day send me creationist books and tapes  for years when they found out I <GASP> believe in evolution, to give you some idea). My own small town didn’t have much in the way of big book stores. I had to buy it under the radar and pray no one asked me what I bought. I kept it in the bag the whole time, and didn’t dare crack it open until I got home from the trip. The suspense was killing me.

I did a first read through in a few days and then started right away practicing the lessons. I remember learning the LBRP. The only knife I had was a butter knife. I knew that it was only a symbol and the knife didn’t matter. A neighborhood friend wanted me to show them “a ritual” so I showed them the LBRP with my butter knife. He made fun of me for using a butter knife and I was shocked that he didn’t realize it was a symbol and I could of used a stick or my finger if I had wanted.

Later I built all the tools with what I could find. The cup was a glass cup from the grocery store that luckily had a tulip shape to it. I painted it to look just like in the book. For the dagger I used a gothic kris knife from the flea market and painted it too. For the pentacle (which Kraig said was supposed to be concave) I literally bought a coconut, cut it in half with a saw, sanded it down, and painted the interior. Best damn pentacle ever honestly. For the wand I bought a dowel rod and a wooden cabinet knob and did it just like in the book.

I made the rainbow wand (DMK’s version of the lotus wand) out of a dowel rod too. I kept it under my mattress so that it would soak up my energy and “bond” with me. I still have it. It has been under the mattress of every bed I’ve ever slept in and throughout my life and every moving, from college, first apartment, subsequent apartments, and now my home. Hmm I bet it’s fully charged now, don’t you think?  I had totally forgotten about it. I should whip it out and try something with it. I haven’t used it since I was a teenager.

I spent the next few years dedicating myself to the lessons. I spent about 2 months on each element, learning of the element in question as deeply as I could. I concencrated all my tools, worked with Talismans, of course to bring girlfriends (what else at 14?). They mostly worked. I did the ritual dedication to set your foot on the path, and the ritual to go back in time and put a sigil on your infant self to maximize your magical potential. While I was supposed to be studying for school I was memorizing the watch tower ritual. Good stuff!

I remember being so frustrated with Astral Projection, and not understanding pathworking at all (Didn’t stop my from trying it). I didn’t get too far with these. However, this whole time had the quality of your first time falling in love to it. This was magic, real magic. That time you will never forget, when everything has a quality which is so vivid it’s burned into your memory. It was the formative time in my magical life. I’m not sure where I would have been without it honestly.

I didn’t have incense so I used cinnamon for every ritual. I did rituals in my basement and just prayed no one would come down while I was doing so. Of course they did, at the smell of burning cinnamon and I was “outted”. It didn’t stop me. No one in my family really understood except my Grandma (Now one of my ancestors). We would have talks when I visited about her mystical experiences with Christ and the Fey and how no one believed or understood her either. I wonder where I got it from?

Somewhere in my many moves I lost my first edition copy and bought the second edition which is the one I now have. Later, I would find the many Wicca 101 books that glutted the late 80’s and early 90’s as well of course, Mastering Witchcraft, and I showed symptoms for the first time of the “choose one path” syndrome I seem to just now be getting out of, and felt that I had to choose between ceremonial magic and Witchcraft. I chose Witchcraft at the time.

Flipping through that book again brought back all those old memories, right down to the smell of burning cinnamon and hair spray (yeah don’t ask it was the 80’s).

Was there a particular book that brought you to the path? I suspect everyone has a similar story.

I’ve had a somewhat long (and public) struggle with Druidry. Those who have been with me since the Oak and Ivy days can’t even probably remember the number of times I’ve publicly given it, up only to recant and come back.

The latest round of “what makes a Druid” really stoked my fires, and hit a nerve in case you couldn’t tell. The reason for this, is even though I still stand by everything I said in that post, something of the opposing argument did ring true. Druidry is a fit for me, but it’s never been a perfect fit, mainly for the cultural reasons. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to give it up, it won’t give me up is the problem.

The Druid hat has always been one that has rested uncomfortably on my head, yet it always draws me back. Why is this? Because I am actually growing in new directions, yet that doesn’t mean I somehow cease to become what I was. I think of it kind of like a pearl. I started out with a Druid core, but as I’m growing layers upon layers are being over overlaid upon it. Yet there still is a Druid layer in there somewhere.

Still the current round has given me a lot to think about and I have been thinking about it often since my last post. While I do identify as Druid, I don’t identify solely as a Druid. There’s Druid in there somewhere, but I feel like a fraud trying to come off like it’s the main label I identify with. The past month has seen me explore some new areas and refine others. I have been immensely happy with my magical/spiritual path. I honestly can’t remember the last time I was this happy with it. I’ve gone through both changes in worldview and practice.

First off, it’s all about the magic. I am primarily first and foremost a magician or sorcerer. I’m doing a lot more of it. The itch is staying quelled, and I am happier than ever before. I remember once when I was in my 20′s I did a ritual to dedicate my life to magic. I guess the universe take that kind of thing seriously. Magic brings me the spiritual fulfillment I’ve been seeking elsewhere.

A lot of this has to do with engaging ritual magic as of late. It’s filling a niche that previously Druidry filled for me, the “respectable solar path”. I still do witchcraft too, though I haven’t talked about it much.  I’ve been learning straight from spirits and Hekate herself to make a very personal witchcraft path that doesn’t translate well. It seems to me that I’ve kind of got a cunning man thing going on here, combining the two. Really the only label that fits right now is Magician or Sorcerer.

Also, I’ve hinted at this before but I’m not even sure I’m pagan any more. As a matter of fact, I really don’t consider myself such right now but I’m kind of loath to give up membership card I guess. I still work with pagan deities. Hekate is a constant and she gets about 90% of my devotion these days.  I still work with Old Horney on occasion. I’m interested in making a connection witha few other gods who shall remain nameless for right now. Yet I’m now pretty much embracing a Hermetic/Chaldean world view and interested in both monotheism and polytheism (I don’t see them as mutually exclusive).  I am finding solace in The Father/The Good and the Logos as well. Right now all I care about is finding truth, and labeling myself as strictly pagan seems too confining on that quest. It’s kind of freeing honestly. I don’t know, I’m not making any hard statements or choices here on purpose.

So I’m having increased trouble fitting all of this under the Druid label. The other day, decided to evoke Hekate herself, using a new spirit contact method I read about and wanted to test. It worked beautifully! I asked her about my path. The Reply: “You are crossroads folk“.

You are crossroads folk. Beautiful. It makes sense on so many levels. There’s the magician/witch association with crossroads, but there is also the liminality, the being stuck between multiple ways yet belonging fully to none. This is one of the reasons she is my goddess. She’s the goddess of “crossroads folk”.

There’s a lot being talked about in the blogosphere about the HGA right now. This all started happening right around the time I decided to try contacting my own. I do not have K&C yet, but I do believe it is guiding me as a result of this. As it draws nearer, my path becomes clearer.

So really the only labels I’m comfortable with right now are Mage or Sorcerer. Mainly because it conveys Magic First and magic as a tool for spiritual exploration, and does not preclude the interaction with any of the spirits, gods, or denizens of the cosmos. Every day that I’m on this path I feel more sure or myself and happier.

I’m not necessarily saying that I’m up and leaving Druidry, because every time I do it comes to bite me in the ass. At the moment though, the Sorcerers path is my primary focus, and the one which is yielding the most results. My blog will reflect this from now on. I hope you, dear reader, won’t judge me for constantly shifting labels. It’s all part of the process of finding ones way in the dark. Just know, that right now I am very very content with were I’m at.

Disclaimer: This book was sent to me free as a review copy by Moon books. This in no way has colored my view or this review. In short, if I didn’t like the book, I would say so.

When I first saw that a new book called Druidry and Meditation by Nimue Brown was being released I was very excited. Her blog, Druid Life,  is one that I gain much inspiration from. There are many books on Druidry out there and many books on meditation as well. Given that meditation is such a core practice of Druidry, I’m surprised a book like this that puts them together hasn’t come along sooner!

It does so very well however. The book explains meditation from a primarily Druid perspective and give the Druid many techniques from the tool box from which to choose. I think this book would be valuable to anyone on an earth based path however, it’s use is not just limited to druids!

Nimue writes the book in her characteristic take you by the sleeve and speak casually style, so that the experience seems more like a one on one conversation. She goes over many topics of use to druids and pagans alike, finally from their own perspective. Inside you will find instructions for walking meditations and connecting with the earth, plants, and animals as well as the 4 classical elements. Also, and extremely valuable addition I thought was the section on how to connect with spirits, which is something that one hears individuals talk about all the time, but is often hard for new comer to get specifics on.

She also goes into the basics of pathworking, contemplation, and joint opening exercises as well as more standard Druidic concepts such as shapeshifting, drumming, chanting, connecting with places, and connecting with your ancestors. The book ends with group meditation work, which was less valuable to me personally being a life long solitary, but a valuable addition to the book none the less considering many druids practice in established groves. The book is relatively thin at 163 pages, but packs in a ton in what’s there.

One of the best features of the book, in my opinion, is also the most intangible. It just drips Druidry, an indefinable essence you can’t put your finger on. As with all her writing it simply makes you want to go out and do something… Druidic! If you are a pagan or druid or even a witch a better book on meditation tailored for your practices could not be found. I really enjoyed this one.

The system that is used is from his A Modern Angelic Grimiore, which I had the pleasure of purchasing about a year ago actually. The text deals mostly with contacting angels, but it also presents a pretty much self contained system to evoke anything, including the Genus Loci, which I have inadvertently experimented with. I have to say at the outset here though that I’m a complete novice at this kind of thing. It’s brand new to me. I did some experimentation with the Goetia as a teenager (who didn’t), but beyond that conjuration and evocation is a new bag for me.

The tools detailed in A Modern Angelic Grimiore that are necessary for the work are the table of practice, an ebony wand, and some sort of scrying device. I decided to go classic and use a quartz crystal ball. Here are my tools pictured below that I made/procured.

Table of practice

ToP with ebony wand and crystal

I wood burned the table of practice based off the illustrations in the ebook. I didn’t like the first one I did so I re-did it and this one turned out much better. I’ve noticed it has some “peculiar” properties. For the first week or so being near it made me dizzy. Literally. The air seemed to swarm around it, like heat waves. It would jump around and appear to be all over the altar. I’ll assume that means I did it right. Now however I appear to be “used to it”.

The wand is made of ebony. I actually already had an ebony wand, so that was perfect. I used that and painted the god names on with gold leaf. It looks like crap, but what are you gonna do? It’s done now and I can’t change it. It still appears to work.

The crystal is a smallish real quartz crystal ball (no lead crystal or glass here)! I wanted to go traditional on this.

Altar set up for my first conjuration

I did my first conjuration this past weekend. I did not know what to expect, if anything. Scrying has never been my strong point (I’ve only ever used a black mirror though).  I evoked the Archangel Gabriel. I was surprised at how well it worked! The whole apparatus (ball and table) lit up with white light that was very visible to me. I don’t know if this was an astral effect, or visible light but to me I could see it plain as day. Consider me impressed! I then saw a face super-imposed in the crystal right away. I’ve since used it to communicate with a genus loci spirit as well, with similar results.

The image of Gabriel that appeared did not look at all like I was expecting. While I intellectually understand that angels are not all cherubic and winged, I was not prepared for how he presented himself. What I got looked kind of… alien actually <shrug>. Again, my expectations where broken.

What struck me about these experiences was how concrete the visuals were. I was expecting something wispy, or half imagined. What I got was solid enough to the point that I could leave and go get my sketch pad and it was still there. I could look away and start sketching and look back and it would still be there just like I was sketching a physical object. This I was not expecting, at all!

I am hungry now to do more of this work. I’ve proved to myself that it works and isn’t just theoretical. I can read about others experiences and believe them but until I actually experience myself it remains just that, others experiences.

I find myself getting more and more interested in ritual magic. It’s not really part of my Druid path in that I don’t mix the two, but since I’m one human being it kind of is in a way (besides I see the magician archetype as being very much part of the Druid archetype. Not for everyone, but for those that feel comfortable with that kind of thing).

I’m probably going to be talking about it more here, just as a warning.

<waves wand>

POOF! Its now my PBP post. Pretty cool eh? Hopefully next week I’ll feel more inspired. Lots on my mind today.

I do however want someplace to serve as just my magical journal. I suck at keeping a physical one, but I do want to document my early workings and such. So I’ve re-vamped my DreamWidth journal to serve that function. There I will only be talking about magic and my experiences with it, mainly detialing my work with Jason Millers Strategic Sorcery class, and RO’s Black Work course. I think you can read it even if your not a DreamWidth member. Some posts will be public, but the more personal ones will be private to those who I have mutual subscriptions to. So if your a DreamWidth subscriber look me up so we can mutually subscribe (I’d love to have more contacts there anyway). If your not I have 5 invite codes, so first come first serve. Leave a comment here and I’ll send it to the email address that’s attached to your screen name.

The journal can be found here: A Sorcerer’s Journal

No Druidry for you!

In my bardic post I said “It makes me very sad, however to see the “My kind of Druidry is the only REAL kind” arguments I see erupting over the net from time to time. That’s all I’ll say about that for now, I could go into full blown rant mode here”. Well it turns out I’m a bit of a prophet, because the debate has erupted again as to who can consider themselves a “Real Druid” TM, this time focusing on those who worship the Celtic gods and the perceived cultural dilution of Druidry. Looks like it’s rant time. One of the most passionate posts I have read on this subject was Dilute to Taste by Kristoffer Hughes. Actually the rest of this post will assume you’ve read it, so if you haven’t please take time to go do so. It’s a well written article. I’ll wait.

Are you back? Good. I had many visceral responses to this post and many conflicting emotions. Recently, Nimue Brown wrote a post called Druidry and…, which takes the exact opposite point of view. A post I commented on saying how tired I am of having to defend myself against this sort of thing.

A part of me wants to stand up and toast Mr.Hughes for his passion and eloquence on what is clearly a subject he feels very strongly about. He is everything a Celt and Druid should be, fierce and passionate in his convictions. I don’t necessarily disagree with him. Celtica IS the heart of Druidry. To take it away results in a generic sort of nature religion that has no soul in my opinion. When I differ with his is his ascertation that one must worship the Celtic gods in order to be a Druid.

By his definition I fall far below the mark, as I do not. The gods no longer figure into my Druidry at all and in fact get in the way of it. As a matter of fact I’m currently having a crisis of faith and not sure if I will stay pagan at all (jury’s still out on this). I am an animistic Druid, and very much a “Druidry And…” type of person.

This is exactly why I’ve quit Druidry so many times, only to be drawn back. I’ve listened to this view point dozens of times before and have been made to feel inadequate. In respect to this view, I’ve tried to bow out. However Druidry is my religion and I always get called back. Nothing else will do. It is Druidry and Druidry only that fills the longing in my heart. After reading this post I considered strongly leaving again. Perhaps it’s time to just give up? Yet something in me reacted strongly and violently at this idea. As a matter of fact it just made me sick the heart at the thought of abandoning this path again.

I am proud to be a member of the Order of the Yew, the order at the heart of the Druid Network. Last month I gave my vows in a ceremony that meant something to me. I said vows. I will not be giving them up or abandoning them just because someone else takes issue with my Druidry. In the Druid Networks definition of Druidry it states:

“Druidry cannot be defined by or limited to the reverence of one deity or a pantheon. Thus while many within Druidry honour what are known as the Celtic named and mythologized deities, others honour Christian, Saxon, Nordic or Classical Pagan gods. Yet again there are those who honour animistic and conceptual forms of deity. These differences do not divide or dilute the tradition, however, for such differences are integral parts of the tradition’s essential nature.” (emphasis mine).

As Red, of the Animists Craft reminds us, this definition was circulated and agreed upon by the many different members of the Druid community.

Mr.Hughes relates how someone made him feel inadequate and less of a Druid because he honors his Welsh heritage. This was wrong and it’s hideous that a fellow supposedly spiritual person would do this to him. I LOVE the fact there are Druids who fiercely honor and uphold their heritage. They are the backbone of our faith, the torchbearers of the druid flame. I think it is wonderful that there is a movement of returning to the pagan roots of Druidry. He has absolutely every right to be proud and I stand up and clap loudly for him for defending his gods, his ancestry, and his faith. I have dealt with this sort of thing too, and I get irate when people call Iolo “The great forger” because thousands of people have derived spiritual benefit from his “forgeries”.

Yet then he does the exact same thing as was done to him and turns around and accuses others of not being a real druid because we don’t meet His definition. I am well used to defending my position from reconstructionists, yet from a fellow revival druid it catches me of guard.

I am dedicated to my Druidry. I have spent 7 years of my life learning and living it. I have an Awen symbol tattooed on my flesh, on my inner wrist where it is impossible to hide it. This serves as a reminder to myself of my deeply held beliefs, and prevents me from ever “hiding it” from others. This was intentional. I literally wear my Druidry on my sleeve.  I take deep solace in the Gorsedd Prayer, which I say every night as well as the Druid peace prayer. I honor my ancestors (who include Irish and Welsh). I recognize the Earth, Sea, and Sky and honor the spirits of the land on which I live. Yet I am somehow less of a Druid because I cannot connect to a specific pantheon of Gods?

I live on American soil. I have tried to connect to the Celtic gods with no avail. I personally believe they are gods of a specific land and worshipping outside of that land is hard. Some people here do seem to manage that connection, and kudos to them, they have achieved something that yet eludes me. I do think it’s important to honor Celtic history and heritage if your going to call yourself a Druid. I think it’s important to have a working knowledge of the myths, read the Mabinogian, and generally know as much of the history as you can, because people will expect it of you. I don’t want people to find out I’m a Druid and then look at them blankly when the question me about Celtic matters. In this way he is right, Celtica is the heart and soul of Druidry.

Time and time again I have stepped off the path because of this type of bullying. Yes I said bullying for that is exactly what it is. No more. You see, I too can write passionately, I too can fiercely defend the religion that I love and I will not be pushed out yet again because someone takes issue with that. If you choose not to recognize me as a Druid because I don’t worship your gods that is your right. I will not try to convince you otherwise, yet I am done running. I’m sick of having to defend myself. No more, enough is enough. I’m done.

I think John Micheal Greer, Archdruid of the AODA says it best when he said

“Fake what? We don’t pretend to be ancient Druids; we’re participants in the Druid Revival, a movement of nature spirituality that has been active in the Western world for nearly three hundred years. The Druid Revival has put three centuries of hard work into its teachings and practices, and it has distinguished contributions in many fields to its credit. It’s certainly true that it doesn’t date back to antiquity, but great age by itself is no guarantee of relevance or validity. It’s rather funny, really, to watch people who wouldn’t think of using a two-year-old computer insist that a spiritual tradition can’t be valid unless it dates back to Neolithic times.“

I think of Celtic Druidry and the men and women who uphold it as a great oak tree, strong and towering. It is from this tree that we gain strength. Yet this tree has also had it’s acorns brought to distant lands, where they take root far from the original tree of origin. Due to differences in soil composition, light, and climate these trees look different, grow in different and unique ways yet are all derived from that great tree which we honor and are no less Oak because of this.

I’m sorry, think of me what you will, choose to recognize me as a fellow Druid on the path or not, but I’m not going anywhere this time. I’m done with that.

I’d like to thank Journeymaid, Corvidae, Iolair, and Candlesmoke for nominating me for a Versitile Bloggers award! Many thanks you guys, it’s much appreciated! So it looks like I’m supposed to list 7 things about me you didn’t know, and then nominate 15 other bloggers. However since 15 seems like an awfully lot, I’m going to do 3. So here are the 7 things about me you may not have known:

1) I have a fear of clowns. When I was a kid at the circus the clowns would come into the audience to select kids to come down and ride in their clown car. They chose me and I refused to go because I thought that’s how the replenished their ranks and that you then had to go live with them forever and become a clown. Been terrified of them ever since. Besides clowns are just evil.

2) When I graduated college I started the first semester of a masters program in environmental ecology. I freaking LOVED it. Then I got accepted into a PhD program in Microbiology and Immunology and I quit the ecology program to go pursue that because it was higher degree and “made more career sense”. I’ve regretted the decision ever since. I would of been so much happier as an ecologist. Learn from my mistake youngin’s. Do what your heart loves at all costs. The long term cost is far greater not to.

3) I hold 3 patents for potential medical therapies, one for cancer, one for M.S., and one for transplant. The MS one is currently in human clinical trials.

4) I’m married and have 3 kids. A two year old son and two 8 month old twin daughters.

5) I used to have 2 sugar gliders, Scout and Strawberry. They were the best pets I ever had, and ever since they died I cannot connect to any other kind of animal for a pet. It’s like they ruined all other pets for me with their awesomeness. I’ll probably never get another, and I miss them both terribly.

6)

Whats not to love?

Growing up my hero was Grandpa Munster. I so wanted to be like him, with his potions and magic spells. He was like my idol.

7)

What baseball season is coming again?

I hate team sports. They bore to to tears. I can tolerate football if I have to, but I’d rather tear my eyes out than ever be forced to watch baseball. I find it annoying when people start talking about sports to me as if automatically assuming that just because I’m guy I therefore MUST like sports. I prefer activities such as fencing, Aikido, and rock climbing. Of course now that I have kids I do none of those. I’m hoping that when my son gets old enough (and eventually the girls too!) we I can start him with Aikido, so we can do it together.

Now as for my three blogs I’ll nominate are:

1) The Druids well

2) Root and Rock

3) 4 of Wands

I very quickly learned I’m not an ADF type. I know and respect tons of individuals who flourish in ADF (never met one I didn’t like!), but it just never “clicked” with me. Over the years I’ve renewed my membership a few times to give it another try (thinking that like Sushi was for me, it might be an acquired taste), but it still hasn’t worked for me up to this day (though one never knows what the future has in store). It’s the Druid revival, with all of it’s own admitted problems and limitations, that seems to fire up my soul for whatever reason. I’m a Druid, and I’m pagan, but I’m not really a Pagan Druid. Actually my Druidry style seems more focused on animism than paganism.

So while fully recognizing ADF is filled with wonderful people who I consider brothers and sisters under the “Druid umbrella”, it was one style of Druidry that I decided was not for me. This is actually something I like about Druidry, how there are many different branches for different personality types yet we’re all Druids in the end somehow. This makes me happy (It makes me very sad, however to see the “My kind of Druidry is the only REAL kind” arguments I see erupting over the net from time to time. That’s all I’ll say about that for now, I could go into full blown rant mode here).

I decided to stick with the AODA and OBOD and decided to focus on Revival Druidry solely those first few years. Both orders had their beginnings in the same movement, yet each have vastly different approach and feel to them. In the end I focused on OBOD first because really it was OBOD that I felt most comfortable with. In OBOD (and now the AODA too!), the phases of Druid study are divided up into Bard, Ovate, and Druid. I knew right away that my “calling” as it where lay in the Ovate grade. I wanted nothing else but to hurry up and get there, but to do so I had to go through the Bardic grade. So I gritted my teeth and did it. Of course it took me 5 years of many false starts and stops (about two of those years I gave up spirituality again all together). I’d say 90% of my work in the bardic grade was done in the last 2 years when I really got serious about it, and Druidry in general.

I’m not going to pretend that I absolutely loved the bardic grade either though. It’s very geared toward “Paganism 101″. I’ve heard a lot of criticism about this from others actually, considering the price involved.  However, whereas the AODA felt very ceremonial to me, OBOD felt more shamanic (Now I honestly like both approaches and is why I like combining the two). Besides I liked it’s ritual structure, which I still use in my daily rites for it’s simplicity and down to Earth feeling.

The Bardic grade introduces you to the 5 elements, making you spend time with each one, which I’d done many times before. It also can be very vague at times, giving you a seed thought and expecting you to do your own follow up and research. I don’t think using the bardic grade material as your sole material would get you very far, you are really expected to do your own leg work and encouraged to explore beyond it’s bounds. I will fully admit that it’s not for everyone (nor should it be, how boring would that be?).

I wanted to do this right though dammit (time to be a real Druid! For those Hyperbole and a Half fans out there).) So I gave it my full undivided focus, taking one Gwersi about every two weeks to work through it’s contents, study it, and meditate on it. In short, incorporate it into my Sphere.  It’s interesting that at this time in my life all I wanted was to study Druidry, nothing else. I wasn’t even very much into magic, I just wanted the spiritual aspects. I’ve heard that the bardic grade is designed to plumb the very depths of your soul and do some sort of inner-alchemy on you to prepare you for the work ahead. It seems to be very effective in that result. Despite finding some of the work to be a bit tedious, it “did something” behind the scenes to me.

In retrospect I think the bardic course was kind of like having Mr.Miyagi standing over me.

Any connection to Phillip Carr-Gomm I wonder?

All that time spent doing stuff I thought I already knew how to do, stuff I thought I had mastered years ago all came together at the end and somehow made me better. It didn’t necessarily make me a Druid, but it did make me a better one.

What? I have to walk to Earth with awareness again? I did that years ago Grumble Grumble! (Wax on, Wax Off). You mean I have to go contemplate a body of water. Pfffft I did that as a teenager! (Here’s your paint brush, now get started!).

Somehow by the end it did perform some sort of spiritual alchemy on me behind the scenes. It also gave me a very solid foundation in Revival Druidry to serve as my further launching pad. Very shortly after finishing the course, my “magic side” got unlocked hard, and I’ve been hungry for it ever since. I attribute this to that alchemy process and the final lessons of the course where the key. This led me on a journey that has taken me away from Druidry many times, yet always called me back home. The bardic grade also opened me up to new ideas such as the idea of actually being a bard. It helped me develop and nurture artistic side that is very valuable to me I pursue my work further. The bard is not the Druidic archetype I’m most suited for,  but now somewhere inside of me a bard does exist now. In short, I don’t think everyone would like the course, especially if you’ve been Pagan for a long time, but it was extremely useful and a large stepping block for me. I’m very glad I stuck it out and finished it.

I eventually joined the Ovate grade, the place I’d been chomping at the bit to get to in the first place, and promptly got stuck. Not just a little stuck, but good and stuck. Apparently it’s not uncommon at all to have multiple re-starts in the Ovate grade. I fully intend to finish it one day, but it may take me another 5 years. That’s ok though, I have plenty of time and am not in a hurry. I’ll get there when I get there.

Don't know who this is actually "supposed" to be, but to me it's Hekate.

Balance is a central concept that I battle with in my magical and spiritual life. I’ve learned a long time ago that I have to have balance to make things work. I can’t just focus on “darkness” or “light”, both really have to be present.

I spent the better part of a decade on the Left Hand Path doing the “I’m so dark” thing. Then I was so spiritually dessicated that I drank from the Druidry’s light like a man in the desert, but that wasn’t any more fulfilling in the end. I think it was Aleister Crowley that said “An adept stands with his head in the highest heavens and his feet in the lowest hells”. I’m no adept, but it’s good advice I think.

I’m going to quote Jason Miller’s course here again, because this single quote is EXACTLY why I love his system of magic and pretty much the main reason I’ve adopted his use of the label “Sorcerer” to describe myself.

The witch is typically associated with folk magic and outdoor ecstatic rites, The Mage with high ceremony and the indoor temple. Many seem to feel that these approaches are mutually exclusive,  I reject this approach and so have chosen the term Sorcerer. Let the sorcerer bask in the warmth of The Solar Logos and the Wisdom of the Moon! Let the sorceress do magic that requires both the careful execution of complex ritual and the absorption of ecstatic trance and wild dance! Let us cultivate both intellect and intuition, the celestial and the chthonic, the masculine and the feminine. The competent Sorcerer will be comfortable doing magic in a Lodge, a circle in the Wilderness, or out in the open streets of a city. -Jason Miller Strategic Sorcery Class Lesson 1

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this definition because it describes my own practice so well. It describes my entire ideal as a magician. Hell I I might just frame it and put it on my temple wall as a daily reminder! I have to have a balance between the solar and lunar currents. It’s also one of the reasons I am drawn to Druidry, because I see it embodying both of these currents. There’s the Druid part of me that loves to get down and dirty and work with bones and skulls, to do rites on the beach side surrounded by earth, sea, and sky and the genus loci. There is a the part that loves to pursue the “higher mysteries”, as evidenced by my recent interest in Hermetics, and perform temple magic with all of the fancy trappings and regalia that goes with it. If I focus on either on to exclusion, I feel totally unbalanced. I literally need both to feel whole.

This is also embodied by my patron deity, Hekate (Common you knew I’d work her into this somehow didn’t you?). While she gets pegged as a “dark goddess of the underworld”, she is equally the Luminous Empress of the Empyrean realms. I honor her in both fashions.

When I think of balance, I think of a pendulum. A pendulum is the epitome of balance, but it is not balanced because it stands perfectly still. It oscillates wildly between two extremes. Left and right, over and over. Somehow, between those wild fluctuations, it finds perfect balance. My practice is much the same way. I used to think “balance” meant having to balance out everything all the time. Now I realize that sometimes I’ll go through long periods of wanting to “bask in the solar logos” and do temple work. Other times I’ll want nothing more than to spend weeks at a time doing shamanic type stuff. I let my spirit tell me what it needs, and in this way my practice is dynamic and fluid.

Balance to me also means going beyond labels. I know there has been a recent movement in the past few years to define yourself as one thing. I strongly and vehemently reject this mindset in my own practice. I’m not saying that others are wrong for using one label. Hell I even envy you, honestly, but that’s not my path. What I am saying is that I don’t think that those of us who have out hands responsibly in multiple pots should be made to feel as lesser beings.

I am not “one thing”. Any attempt I make to define myself as one label ultimatly meets with failure. I practice Druidry, thus I am a Druid. I practice magic and ritual and theurgy, thus I am a Sorcerer, Witch, or Magician call it what you will (I like sorcerer personally). I’m currently even going beyond “Pagan” and taking more of a neo-platonic world view, but I still worship Hekate as well as seeking union with the first source. As my practice evolves and become stronger, the labels dissolve and become less and less accurate. I take this as an indicator that I’m growing and moving forward. Labels are a great help, but when they become hindrances, we must be willing to leave them by the road side.

Finding balance is an art, and I’m constantly striving to maintain it. It’s not easy for me, but it’s necessary and even rewarding. It seems to be the central theme of my path.

From the Wildwood Tarot