The Phantom Queen

So awhile back I posted about my dream regarding The Morrigan. Despite advice to go for it, for the most part I had convinced myself that I really don’t want to, which for the most part is true. You see, I’m pretty much a Hekate man. I’m comfortable with Hekate. I’ve devoted a lot of time into my devotion to Hekate. I’ve collected numerous Hekaten rituals which I’ve painstakingly memorized, I work with numerous spirits which are all dedicated to her service, I’m a member of the Covenant of Hekate, which provides me with the first time in years fellow travelers on the path to talk with and befriend. I likebeing a Hekate devotee, she gives me everything I spiritually need. What do I need another goddess in the mix for?

So I tucked the experience away and tried really hard not to think about it. I mean it’s been 4 months since I had the dream. I’ve always known in the back of my mind however, that come Samhain time I’d have to revisit her. She’s been in the back of my mind lately, a nagging little presence (“when are going to face me”?). To which I plug up my ears and say “I don’t do Irish gods, I can’t hear you! LaLaLa!”. Then last night I had the dream again. I don’t remember much of it this time, but I woke up remembering that I just had the same dream and telling myself I have to do something about it this time.

It’s not that I dislike The Morrigan, its just that I’m afraid of where this might take me. Away from Hekate? I know people will say ‘you can have both’ but I tend to be a one goddess kind of guy. I like to give my all and quite frankly don’t have time to have multiple deity relationships. Plus like I said, my practice now is mostly memorized and comfortable. I’d have to research a whole new set of rituals and invocations, see which ones I like, which ones work and don’t, memorize them, etc. Not the mention the whole monumental task of getting to know a new diety. The thought makes me tired. I don’t want to go back to that whole awkward phase I just got out of!

But she won’t relent, so I’ve decided to let her in, give it a try and see where things take me.I keep seeing Hekate sitting there quietly and unmoving in the dream, clearly giving her consent. What do they know that I don’t? Perhaps this could lead me someplace where I’m even happier eventually? It would certainly help me make peace with my Druid practice (I have trouble relating Hekate into my Druid practice and always have had). I have to at least face her and see where it goes. How can I say my practice has any integrity if I don’t?

Tonight is the full moon, and I usually spend these nights with Hekate. Although the Morrigan is not a moon goddess it somehow feel right to devote tonight to her instead. I happened to find this book on Amazon, which luckily is available for kindle so I downloaded it. It seems to have the most info on her in one place than I’ve seen yet. I might try one of the rituals in the book just to get my feet wet.

This is totally uncharted territory for me, but you can’t discover anything new if you don’t leave sight of the shores.

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11 Responses to The Phantom Queen

  1. Aj / Melia says:

    What popped out for me is your repeated use of “comfortable”. You are comfortable. Comfortable is not an area from which you grow. It is a nice place to be for a short time but it isn’t a place from which you grow. It is a place where you recover before the next growth spurt starts again.

    • Rick Derks says:

      AJ, I think you’ve really hit on something there, I didn’t even realize I used it repeatedly. . Comfortable is not necessarily compatible with growth, your right. Its well… just comfortable. Thanks very much for pointing this out. Sometimes it can be hard to take the route which allows you to grow.

      • Aj / Melia says:

        Oh yes growth route is rarely ever easy…

        My comment did leave me wondering if I jinxed myself and how long before I get bit on the ass in this manner.

    • Rick Derks says:

      Haha! Yeah it’s always interesting how that tends to happen after commenting on it 😉

  2. aynfean says:

    Welcome to the followers of the Morrigan.

    I’m gonna agree with Aj. Your talk about comfortable left me with the question, “are you supposed to be comfortable?” Comfortable people rarely grow, rarely learn… instead they get lazy and complacent.

    Enjoy your meeting with the Morrigan tonight, hopefully you’ll post some of the experience on here.

    • Rick Derks says:

      Are you one of hers Aynfean?

      Yes it seems that comfortable is the message of the day. I knew there was a reason I blogged 😉

      I will try to post if anything interesting happens!

      • aynfean says:

        I am actually. I’ve commented on your site before actually. You posted about your dreams about the Morrigan around the same time I started having some myself. This Samhain I’m going to officially dedicate myself to her, but I have considered myself her daughter since our first “official” meeting.

    • Rick Derks says:

      Ah many appologies for not putting it together right away. I remember now! Best of luck to you on your official dedication on Samhain! I hope you’ll write a bit about it 😉

  3. lindowyn says:

    Hi there! First I’ll say this: I’m Lindowyn from DeviantArt. All you had to do was ask >.>

    Secondly, I am also a Druid and a daughter of Morrighan…and from what I’m reading up there, I have a feeling this does have something to do with challenging your comfort zones. I have found that in the realms immaterial, it’s hard to say you are any one thing or another; you say that you’re a one Goddess sorta guy, but the Gods sometimes seem to have other plans for your growth. I myself feel the same way, and even find myself saying that I’m a one “pantheon” sorta gal…if you can even refer to the Irish Shining Ones as a pantheon. (They never called it that, of course. ) What I have found is that relationships with Deities can grow and change, and it is possible to grow distant and closer together; Deity usually decides. Don’t let this panic you, however: I have had working relationships with many Deities who were not meant to become a new “Patron/ess”, rather they enter your life when you need them and teach you the lessons you are to learn at that time. Sometimes they stick around, sometimes they don’t, but very rarely have I encountered someone who says “ohnoes, my patron won’t talk to me no mores”. I realize now that this is an old entry, but do not let fear discourage you from doing and learning the things you are meant to do. They can work together. Morrighan is very much about facing and overcoming your fears and prejudices, especially if they don’t serve you.

    If you ever want to chat about my experiences, I am open to discussing them even though I realize I don’t know you at all and just happened on your journal because I was doing a web search for a particular image of Her and got sidetracked. 🙂

    Many Blessings,

    • Seillean says:

      Hi Ash! Thanks for taking the time to write your comment! First off, I apologize for using your graphic without asking. Your right, I should of asked first. Do you mind if I continue to display it here? It is stunning, but I’ll respect your wishes in either case.

      Thanks also for your insights about The Morrigan. In my case, you were correct on the fact that some gods come into your life for a purpose and not necessarily for patronage. I can’t believe this was only a year ago, so much has happened since. I’m on a completely different path now, but She played a part in that transformation. My best to you always!

  4. EliRavenwight says:

    I was called. Not in a dream, but in a quite public park under the stars on a rickety swingset(I’ve been back several times since. And each time I come away a bit better. Different.) I was having a crisis of faith(raised Christian and afraid of the dark. But the Bible as an answer to everything… I’d’ve sooner taken 42 really… beside the point.) I digress. I called. “What am I supposed to do now?” And amid the cacaphony that was my music at the time (First of the Year- Skrillex… novelty and a healthy respect for Sonny Moore brought me to the track.) I heard Our Lady’s voice for the first time. “It’s your decision now,” She said to me, “I love you.” I sought that same voice for two years before I heard from Her again. I tried taking my usual route from the park back home. She caught me off guard, practically screaming, “No. Come with me.” And I followed. Across the county and back on foot, wore holes in my shoes. And She asked what I had been through, what I’d seen, done, heard, learned. Who I had met, loved, loathed. And She asked why I had come back. “My Lady I couldn’t tell you…” and She said, “Oh? Say it.” And again and again, each more insistant. “SAY IT.” “I’m Yours. I’m listening.” On the hood of my car, a single crow’s feather. It hasn’t left the brim of my hat since. She said to me “I will remember. And you will not regret. Your choice is made. I love you. And you… are mine. I will keep you. But you musn’t lose sight of whose you are child.” I have yet to, and I have no intention ever to.

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