Directions and Definitions: I am Crossroads Folk

 

I’ve had a somewhat long (and public) struggle with Druidry. Those who have been with me since the Oak and Ivy days can’t even probably remember the number of times I’ve publicly given it, up only to recant and come back.

The latest round of “what makes a Druid” really stoked my fires, and hit a nerve in case you couldn’t tell. The reason for this, is even though I still stand by everything I said in that post, something of the opposing argument did ring true. Druidry is a fit for me, but it’s never been a perfect fit, mainly for the cultural reasons. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to give it up, it won’t give me up is the problem.

The Druid hat has always been one that has rested uncomfortably on my head, yet it always draws me back. Why is this? Because I am actually growing in new directions, yet that doesn’t mean I somehow cease to become what I was. I think of it kind of like a pearl. I started out with a Druid core, but as I’m growing layers upon layers are being over overlaid upon it. Yet there still is a Druid layer in there somewhere.

Still the current round has given me a lot to think about and I have been thinking about it often since my last post. While I do identify as Druid, I don’t identify solely as a Druid. There’s Druid in there somewhere, but I feel like a fraud trying to come off like it’s the main label I identify with. The past month has seen me explore some new areas and refine others. I have been immensely happy with my magical/spiritual path. I honestly can’t remember the last time I was this happy with it. I’ve gone through both changes in worldview and practice.

First off, it’s all about the magic. I am primarily first and foremost a magician or sorcerer. I’m doing a lot more of it. The itch is staying quelled, and I am happier than ever before. I remember once when I was in my 20’s I did a ritual to dedicate my life to magic. I guess the universe take that kind of thing seriously. Magic brings me the spiritual fulfillment I’ve been seeking elsewhere.

A lot of this has to do with engaging ritual magic as of late. It’s filling a niche that previously Druidry filled for me, the “respectable solar path”. I still do witchcraft too, though I haven’t talked about it much.ย  I’ve been learning straight from spirits and Hekate herself to make a very personal witchcraft path that doesn’t translate well. It seems to me that I’ve kind of got a cunning man thing going on here, combining the two. Really the only label that fits right now is Magician or Sorcerer.

Also, I’ve hinted at this before but I’m not even sure I’m pagan any more. As a matter of fact, I really don’t consider myself such right now but I’m kind of loath to give up membership card I guess. I still work with pagan deities. Hekate is a constant and she gets about 90% of my devotion these days.ย  I still work with Old Horney on occasion. I’m interested in making a connection witha few other gods who shall remain nameless for right now. Yet I’m now pretty much embracing a Hermetic/Chaldean world view and interested in both monotheism and polytheism (I don’t see them as mutually exclusive).ย  I am finding solace in The Father/The Good and the Logos as well. Right now all I care about is finding truth, and labeling myself as strictly pagan seems too confining on that quest. It’s kind of freeing honestly. I don’t know, I’m not making any hard statements or choices here on purpose.

So I’m having increased trouble fitting all of this under the Druid label. The other day, decided to evoke Hekate herself, using a new spirit contact method I read about and wanted to test. It worked beautifully! I asked her about my path. The Reply: “You are crossroads folk“.

You are crossroads folk. Beautiful. It makes sense on so many levels. There’s the magician/witch association with crossroads, but there is also the liminality, the being stuck between multiple ways yet belonging fully to none. This is one of the reasons she is my goddess. She’s the goddess of “crossroads folk”.

There’s a lot being talked about in the blogosphere about the HGA right now. This all started happening right around the time I decided to try contacting my own. I do not have K&C yet, but I do believe it is guiding me as a result of this. As it draws nearer, my path becomes clearer.

So really the only labels I’m comfortable with right now are Mage or Sorcerer. Mainly because it conveys Magic First and magic as a tool for spiritual exploration, and does not preclude the interaction with any of the spirits, gods, or denizens of the cosmos. Every day that I’m on this path I feel more sure or myself and happier.

I’m not necessarily saying that I’m up and leaving Druidry, because every time I do it comes to bite me in the ass. At the moment though, the Sorcerers path is my primary focus, and the one which is yielding the most results. My blog will reflect this from now on. I hope you, dear reader, won’t judge me for constantly shifting labels. It’s all part of the process of finding ones way in the dark. Just know, that right now I am very very content with were I’m at.

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13 Responses to Directions and Definitions: I am Crossroads Folk

  1. Julie says:

    Great post. We don’t always fit into the categorized religious beliefs that society goes by now days. I was having a similar discussion regarding history – how in order for everyone to have some grasp of a topic/event/belief system we label them as best we can but that these labels often don’t work or don’t fit correctly and can in fact cause more confusion than was originally there. With regards to spirituality, I believe we all walk our own path, even if we are happy with the labelled assigned to it really our path is as individual as we are.

    • Seillean says:

      Julie,

      Thank you.

      I believe we all walk our own path, even if we are happy with the labelled assigned to it really our path is as individual as we are.

      I couldn’t agree more! Very true words there.

  2. A Feast of Spirits says:

    Personal happiness = very, very, very important so it’s good to see that you have found/are finding this more and more. The whole labels thing is a perpetual battle! This is why I avoid labelling myself as a Pagan, Animist or Witch (call me a flake if you will!). Yes, I do use terms like ‘Witchcraft’ but I don’t go any farther than that and I leave it up to readers, my friends and such to label me as they will if they find a need to label me at all. In the end, it’s the amusing conundrum of language that one word can mean many things just as one thing can be expressed in many words hence we find the various words with which to label a practitioner of magic; words which, at their root, usually mean the same or almost the same thing.

    Btw, I like that: “I am a crossroad folk”. I think you should make some artsy thing and slap that on it and then post it here so that other crossroad folk (myself included) can then put it on their blog, site, etc. etc. Blessings.

  3. henadology says:

    If you’re not familiar with the Hekate devotional from Bibliotheca Alexandrina (http://neosalexandria.org/bibliotheca-alexandrina/current-titles/bearing-torches-a-devotional-anthology-for-hekate/), I have an essay in there, “Flower of Fire: Hekate in the Chaldean Oracles,” that you might find of some use; it was really specifically targeted at people interested in operationalizing the CO framework. I’d be happy to give you the essay if you contact me privately.

    • Seillean says:

      Henadology,

      Thank you for pointing it out! I actually do have that devotional, but I haven’t looked in it in ages. I wasn’t even aware of the Chaldean Oracles when I first read it so it probably just went right over my head at the time. I will crack it open and read that with fresh eyes tonight! Many thanks for the tip, it sounds very much like what I looking for.

  4. journeymaid says:

    Great post! But if I were you I wouldn’t worry too much about which label to use… “Druid” or “pagan” or “witch” or whatever, those are just words. Of course words can be very meaningful as well and it’s always nice to be able to define yourself as this or that (perhaps mostly to state what you are NOT), but it’s less important than what you actually do. I usually come to the conclusion that I belong in all religions/cults, and in none. I’m getting the impression that you are walking down a similar road…

  5. Your post raises an interesting thought in my mind, about the not being “Pagan” anymore, even though you still work with the “Pagan” Gods.

    Perhaps the ultimate form of Paganism, is not to be “Pagan.” Our ancestors didn’t think themselves as “Pagans.” They just simply thought of themselves as…themselves. We so often use the term Pagan because it’s the way to tell people we are not Christians, or Muslims, or Jews.

    But perhaps the end goal is to move past the title…and not be Pagan. Oh, we’ll do all the “Pagan” things like worship our gods, practice our magic, and live by the old ways…but we will not longer have need to be Pagan.

    We will simply “Be.” In a way that no other path can Be outside of the “Pagan” ways.

  6. Robert Goode says:

    You seem to be more of a Polytheist, than a Pagan. I see a difference between the two, do you? You seem to have trouble with just having one name for yourself, why limit it? I have several. I am a ceremonial magician, but also a Thelemite, a Necromancer, a Conjure Man and a Tarot Reader. There just isn’t a single name to describe all I do.

    • Seillean says:

      Robert, I do see a difference between the two as well, and think your right. I’m much more comfortable with Polytheism than Paganism. There seems to be a difference between believing in and interacting with the gods and following a religion built around them or their tradition.

      I am a ceremonial magician, but also a Thelemite, a Necromancer, a Conjure Man and a Tarot Reader. There just isnโ€™t a single name to describe all I do.

      Yup I’m there with you. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Soli says:

    I get this, while my own path isn’t quite the same. I’ve got witchcraft/folk magic and Kemetic magic fueling me mostly. The best label I can find for myself that encompasses everything is “boundary worker.” Existing at those liminal edges where the definitions start to blur. It’s a tough space in which to exist and finding a good balance is something I have been actively struggling with of late.

    Also, yes polytheist vs. pagan seems to be turning into more of a discussion now. I certainly don’t fit the model for modern pagan type but end up using the word in public because it’s easier than a 5 minute dissection of my various working. (That and my desire to see pagan be a broader term.)

    Soli
    http://syncreticmystic.wordpress.com

    • Seillean says:

      Hi Soli,

      I think boundary worker would fit for me too. It tends to be where I hang out ๐Ÿ™‚ Your right, it’s a tough place to exist. It does seem like the polytheist vs. pagan discussion is getting more attention these days. It’s one I tried to stay away from, but got sucked into somehow. Finding a label that the general populace can identify is a hard one. I agree than Pagan is one that most people would recognize, but one that I’m increasingly not identifying with. I hate the necessity to give a 10 min dissertation on my beliefs when ask. I guess it’s like facebook “It’s complicated” ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for commenting!

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