This past fall/winter sometime I got it in my head that I should start summoning my Holy Guardian Angel. Jason mentions it in his class in one of the earlier lessons, and I was getting more into magical work. I just felt like it was time to try. So I started using the Borneless One invocation every night. I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to be doing with it, but I said it faithfully every night with the intention of drawing the angel close to me.
The first night nothing really happened. The second night, it felt like someone was drilling into the top of my skull with an awl. It was a very physical sensation and somewhat painful. It lasted a long time, throughout the entire invocation. I’m not sure what it meant, but I figured it had to mean something was happening.
Now this was at the time when the twins were still young and waking up in the middle of night, pretty much constantly. So I was up feeding one of them one night, and had a vision. Before me stood a HUGE angel, all celestial and resplendent and stuff. It pointed at me and said “Aleph” and then vanished. I can always tell a true vision from a flight of fancy because I can remember it easily. If I can remember every detail months later, I think it’s a pretty good bet it was a vision. If the details change and it’s all hazy, flight of fancy. This one I can see clearly in every detail now. I had to look up what Aleph meant (the first letter of Hebrew ). I had no clue what the message meant. As a matter of fact, until I just wrote the above, I had no clue. I think he was telling me to start, to begin.
Not long after that I happened upon a “chance” chain of events that saw me get very interested in Hermetics. even though I had never had the slightest interest, I suddenly had this pressure build up, the whole “If I don’t do this my head will explode” feeling. So I signed up for Frater R.O.’s Red Work course. The first night I started with it the pressure went away. I am reasonably sure that it was my HGA that led me here. I do not have K&C, but I felt the angel drawing close. I’m positive he led me to this path and was like “If were going to work together, you need to get some stuff out of the way first, do some ground work”.
So I started the Red Work course, and stopped doing the Borneless One until I knew what the hell I was doing. I took my time, and did the elemental initiations, I’ve been making my tools to the best of my ability (as detailed in my past few blog posts). So about a month ago I started on the White Work course, which details the work of summoning your Supernatural Assistant (ie HGA. I prefer SA, it doesn’t have the baggage that comes with HGA). As part of the course R.O. has you praying to the first father for strength in the coming ordeal. I was kind of dubious about this, having been Pagan most of my life. But I went with it. To my surprise and delight I’ve actually been developing a strong relationship with the First Father (I’ll have to do a post on my current cosmology sometime and how that works in). I prayed for two weeks intensely, but still didn’t feel ready. So I prayed for another two weeks. I’ve been doing kinetic meditations, writing out the Aphorisms and meditating on them. I’ve summoned my Good Genius, and have been given the name of my Supernatural Assistant and his sigil to aid me in the summoning.
Not only that, but much to my surprise, Sachiel revealed to me my True Name. I had no idea I needed such a thing, but when I summoned him for to consecrate my talisman he was all like “So what shall I call you?” and I was like “Um Rick?” and he was like “Yeah that won’t do. We’ll come up with something better”. That night I dreamed of both my name and sigil.
So in other words, I feel like I’m ready. I’m planing to start this Sunday. The First Father has my back, I’ve done a ton of ground work and I’m ready to begin again. I’m kind of afraid honestly with all the horror stories of how peoples lives fall to pieces. However, I’ve gone through a ton of suffering, both spiritual and mundane, in the past few years so I’m hoping I’ve paid my dues. I’m not counting on it however.
I think I had two major fears A) that I will pray and pray and never encounter my SA (ie won’t be good enough), or B) That I will delude myself into thinking I have it when I don’t. Yet, the only way is forward. I’m feel ready, and I shall begin a new. I honestly believe I’m on the current path that I’m on because of my Supernatural assistant in the first place. I have a great deal of trust in it because of that because I’m damn happy where I am right now.