This past week has seen me very frustrated. I’ve felt like my spiritual/magical practice has been like wadding through mud. It’s just going so slow and I feel like I’ve reached either a plateau or dead end. I’ve been staring up at it trying to figure out how to get across. I hate feeling like this.My meditations are fruitless, I feel like I can barely hear spirits lately, and I generally feel lost and with that sitting before the altar and hear crickets feeling.
These days I only have about an hour a night to “do” anything after my wife and kids have gone to bed. Usually by that time I’m so tired myself I’m forcing myself to do something, anything. usually it doesn’t bother me, but this week it’s seemed almost painful. Not to mention I have to split this hour between actually doing magic and my crafting projects I want to see completed. Last night I just gave up all together and said ‘screw it’ and opted to get an extra hour of sleep instead.I had planned on starting the Gate Series of rites next week, and ordered a batch of natural fiber white mojo bags to make the talismans with, but got a message their on back order. Another set back!
I’ve been re-arranging my altar (again) to be more streamlined. My eventual goal is to turn the basement into a play room for the kids, so I’m moving all my stuff into a nice little cubby down there that I can completely close off with a curtain. A one-stop magic shop! This has proved frustrating as I’m trying to condense my Hermetic altar, my patron deities (Hekate, Baphomet, and Anubis), and all my spirits into one small space. I had plans to put up shelves to build up and make use of the space, but the crappy basement walls aren’t strong enough to support shelving I found (nothing like having a cherished familiar spirit pot slide off the shelf and the resulting mad dash to catch it!). So now now the plan is to get some tower shelves instead. Anyway, This is all is sucking up time also because I keep having to try different arrangements.
I’ve drawn two templates, one for my next planetary disk (Mars) and a plaque with the S.S. Seal of Sorcery on it to be a focal point of the altar. It’s a bit off center, but at this point I don’t have the energy to start over and re-draw it.I made my four elemental disks, but I feel they are uninspired and look like crap. I had the idea of making one large elemental disk with the seals I was given on it, which I think will be better but this is yet another project I don’t have time for.
Did I mention I tried using a new conjuration and I think I ended up pissing off an Archangel with it (scratch that one!)? Yeah…
And then yesterday I find out the Mercury Retrograde is coming again on Saturday, which means we’re in the week before slow down period before hand and suddenly it all makes sense!It’s kind of interesting that my magical practice came to a screeching halt just as Mercury began to slow down. I got caught with my pants down, and haven’t done a thing to prepare! Since I’ve aligned myself with the Hermetic current I’ll assume my sphere is a bit more sensitive to the old dreaded Retrograde.
I might take this month off and just concentrate of finishing crafting, and devoting myself to meditation and energy work without beginning any new projects magically. Which kind of sucks because in the aftermath of the Bornless One workings, I kind of need some magic right now. Is this what my spirits meant when they told me now nothing is possible magically and I should just wait things out for awhile? Was it all just a warning not to start until the Mercury retrograde I was apparently blindsided about was over? Regardless, I’m super frustrated right now. I’m dialing things back a bit until I can regroup. Time to draw inward and go into more of a pure Theurgy mode for awhile.