I’m not really much in the habit much any more of talking intimately about deity relationships, but what the hell. It’s my blog and I feel like writing something, I actually have the time (for once) and it’s whats been on my mind… A lot. So this is going to be one of those personal type entries.
So about a year and a half ago, when my twins where born I had a sleep deprivation induced dream/vision where I was basically claimed by The Morrigan. For those who don’t feel like reading that whole post, she came to me in a series of dreams where I was violently chased, skewered, and told all my other oaths were erased and I was Hers. They were quite vivid, frightening, and totally unsought-after dreams.
At the time this induced a lot of consternation in me because it came out of the blue and I had pretty much no interest in working with her. So I gave it an admittedly half-hearted shot, and ended up telling her “umm… maybe later?”. I then promptly forgot about the whole matter and put it behind me. I guess a year and a half seems not so long ago to me at all. Probably even less so to a goddess.
So recently, I’ve been getting pretty strong door-knocks (more like head-slaps really) from the Morrigan again, reminding me of those previous dreams. Turns, out, she’s not really going away this time. Later… is now. Fortunately there haven’t been any dreams this time around (I did find those disturbing), just this sudden, all consuming, want to claw your heart out need to respond to her call that started off quietly and grew in intensity over the past two months.
“You might have the option to decline the relationship if it does not feel right for you. If this is your choice, my very earnest advice is to be exceedingly respectful in your way of declining Her claim on you. The story of the great hero Cu Chulainn is a cautionary tale about what can happen: he not only refuses Her protection and guidance, he insults Her; and She brings about his downfall, giving him a hero’s death. So if you must refuse Her, do so with reverence and with gratitude for what’s been offered to you. And if you’ve ever asked Her for anything, if you’ve called Her name with feeling, I don’t recommend attempting to refuse Her claim on you. In Her world, you’ve already offered yourself to Her.”
So I’ve spurned the call once. Much like Cu Chulainn, she comes to me yet again. I’d like to think I’m smarter this time around to spurn her again. Besides, now somehow feels right where before it did not. So I’ve been going with it. Even enjoying it this time. Of course it’s kind of thrown a monkey wrench into my established (comfortable) practice. Perhaps that’s the point? You see, I’m currently formally oathed to both Cernunnos and Hekate. I’m really cautious about working with new gods simply because I don’t feel I have the time to do so properly. So learning how to give proper devotion to three gods has been somewhat challenging for me.
Now for the moment at least, The Morrigan has really taken a lead, and Hekate has been hanging back. Considering that not long ago I wanted to be monoalotrous to Hekate alone that’s been a bit hard for me to swallow (also, rearranging shrine space has been a priority). That being said, it’s introduced a whole new aspect to my practice and has kind of breathed new life into it again. I’m not exactly oathing yet (way too soon for that), but am considering myself her (unofficial?) devotee as of now, mainly because she’s pretty much not having it any other way (and yes I did try to get out of it again in the beginning).
Considering I’ve been knocking on the Druid door for years now, it’s not surprising that I finally gained the attention of another Celtic deity beyond Cernunnos, who up until now has been my sole thread linking me back. So that’s where I’m at right now, and honestly, I’m pretty happy about the way things are shaping up. It’s a bit of a learning curve for me, but I think I’m more than up to the task. I have formally surrendered and am not going to fight it any more.