Last year I set upon the path the gain my Supernatural Assistant (Henceforth SA). I used Frater R.O.’s White Work as the basis of my search. Did my prayer to the First Father for about a month before hand, did my solar initiation, and practiced the Borneless One each day. In about a month I had… something. Something that I thought was indeed my SA. My biggest fear was deluding myself on this. I tested it through Michael and it seemed to survive so I went with it.
About this time thought the powers of the Sphere of the Sun were working their mojo on my life (read wreaking havock). As I wrote at the time, the process kind of made my life fall apart for awhile. In truth, it simply exposed the shaky foundation I was standing on and made it intolerable for me to stay on that broken ground any longer. It gave me the needed kick in the pants I needed to get up and get a move on. It was scary and it sucked, but I’m glad I did it.
To my frustration though, after summoning Raphael for advice, he told me to sit tight for awhile because magic couldn’t solve my problem… yet. Didn’t stop me from trying. I threw massive amounts of magic at the problem. Didn’t work. So for the past year I’ve been building relationships, honing my skills, and waiting until the time was right to launch my magic, which I did.
Things are good now. My relationship and family life is better and stronger. I have a new job, which I love and which is helping me to build the skills for even greater things down the line. Money is no longer such of an issue (it’s always an issue, but not a critical issue now). My foundation is no longer shaky (that I know of!). Life is pretty good.
I’m still unsure if I have my real S.A. though. I thought I did at first. I certainly conjured my good Genius, and from it got my SA’s name and sigil. At first it gave me some great advice (like building my planetary disks), and insight into the nature of the magician and myself. Then it seemed all too eager to lead me into some pretty dark paths. Now I have no problem with “teh dark magics”, but it seemed very un-SA like in it’s enthusiasm for the darkness. I don’t know maybe it knew something I didn’t and I needed to go there? Anyway I was suspicious. So I conjured Michael again and asked for him to re-direct the power of the sun on to my angel. I haven’t heard from it since. That was about 6 months ago. Consider me confused.
Somewhere along the line I made a mistake. I either made a mistake in thinking I had the angel to begin with, or a mistake in believing it’s left me or was the wrong entity. So I’m going to begin again. Now that it’s spring (ie HGA season) I’m going to do the whole damn process over again. I’m on sturdy ground now so I’m betting the powers of the sun will have less to mess with in my life. If I don’t have my SA I damn well plan to roll up my sleeves and get it. If I do have it, then it can only increase the bond and make things clearer and stronger.
Now I know there was a hub bub a few months ago on the old blog-o-sphere where the general consensus was that you don’t really need an SA or HGA. I fully agree. I don’t think you do need one to do effective magic. I however feel the need to pursue it for my own personal goal, so that’s what I’m going with. This thing has been a thorn in my side for far too long. I need to figure out where I stand with this. The Great Work calls.
(Why the alien pic? As I’ve mentioned before, when I first started a-conjuring the Celestials they appeared to me, much to my surprise, as very grey-alien like. Still do from time to time, though I get traditional manifestations as well. I fully think there is a connection there. No, I don’t have any insight as to what that may be).